Have you ever found yourself in the middle of striving for a goal—working hard, hoping for a specific outcome—only to be filled with frustration or suffering along the way? This cycle of striving and dissatisfaction can feel endless, but understanding the roots of this experience might help you break free.
What Does It Mean for Something to Happen or Be “Meant To”?
Many of us struggle with the question: Are things meant to happen, or do we make them happen? On one hand, believing that life is unfolding according to a set plan can bring a sense of peace. If things are meant to be, we don’t have to force them into existence.
On the other hand, if we believe that we are the creators of our own destiny, it can feel like a heavy responsibility. We might think that achieving anything requires us to constantly do our best, strive for the perfect outcome, and avoid mistakes at all costs. But what happens when our best seems limitless? Does that mean we are in a never-ending race to reach perfection?
The Nature of Desire and Attachment
Desire is natural. We set goals because they give us direction. But what happens when our desires start to cause suffering? When we become attached to a specific outcome, like getting that job or finishing a project by a certain date, we put our peace of mind at risk. If things don’t go according to plan, we feel frustrated or disappointed.
This attachment to outcomes creates tension because it ties our happiness to something external—something we can’t always control. If we let go of this attachment, we create space for peace, no matter how things turn out.
Striving vs. Flowing
When we strive, we often think of effort as something we have to do in order to achieve a goal. But what if we could see effort as part of the natural flow of life? Rather than pushing ourselves toward perfection, we could align with the flow of our actions, allowing things to unfold while doing our best.
Effort, in this sense, is not about constantly striving for more. It’s about engaging fully with each moment, doing what feels natural, and trusting that the right outcome will come from that.
The Cycle of Goal-Setting
In today’s world, goals are everywhere. We set them for our careers, our health, our relationships. But after reaching one goal, a new one often takes its place. This can make life feel like an endless chase.
Yet, the key to peace lies in recognizing that goals are simply milestones along the journey. They are not the journey itself. The moment we achieve one goal, it naturally fades into the past, and we move on to the next. Instead of constantly chasing, we can allow ourselves to be fully present in the process.
Why Do We Suffer?
Suffering happens when there’s resistance—when we wish things were different from how they are. We feel this when life doesn’t match our expectations. The gap between what is and what we want creates tension and frustration.
But if we release the need for things to go a certain way, we also release the suffering. That doesn’t mean we stop caring or stop taking action. It means we stop clinging to the outcome. We trust that whatever happens next will unfold as it should.
How Do We Move Forward?
To navigate this cycle of striving and suffering, we can take a few simple steps:
- Acknowledge desires, but don’t hold on too tightly to them.
- Act in alignment with what feels right for you, but let go of needing a specific result.
- Rest in the present moment, knowing that life is always unfolding exactly as it needs to.
Whether life’s events happen because they are “meant to,” or because we work to make them happen, we can find peace by adjusting our relationship to outcomes. Instead of always chasing, we can choose to engage fully with what’s in front of us—trusting that we’ll get where we’re meant to go.
