It’s a common experience: you find yourself in a conversation where the other person is pouring out words, emotions, excitement—or perhaps frustrations. But somewhere along the way, listening starts to feel difficult, even painful. You wonder, why do they talk so much without pausing to hear you? And then a deeper question emerges: Why do I sometimes find it hard to listen?
Listening can feel like a heavy task when all you want is to be heard, too. But this discomfort might point to something within ourselves. Maybe it’s not just about the other person. Perhaps it’s a reflection—a projection—of our own feelings. Are we afraid of being judged for speaking up? Do we fear we’re not interesting enough, or that our words won’t matter?
These feelings can be subtle, like shadows cast from the corners of our minds. Often, we assume people don’t want to hear what we have to say, but is that really true? Or are we imposing our own self-doubt onto others? In a way, it’s like standing in front of a mirror, but instead of seeing your own reflection, you see the thoughts and assumptions you’ve projected onto the person in front of you.
The Art of Balancing Conversation
One thing that’s hard to admit is that there’s no “right” amount of talking or listening. Each person has their own rhythm. Some people process emotions through words—they need to talk it out. Others find comfort in silence, in listening, or in small moments of reflection between the lines. The balance of a perfect conversation doesn’t come from calculating turns or keeping score. Conversations flow like rivers—sometimes winding and slow, other times fast and turbulent. And sometimes, you’re simply caught in the current.
But when we start to judge conversations—whether we’re talking too much or too little—it adds a layer of pressure that wasn’t there before. It’s like stepping into a river and trying to control its flow. The moment you start worrying about saying the “right” thing, or whether you’re listening enough, you’ve already stepped out of the moment. You’re no longer swimming with the current—you’re resisting it.
Listening Without Understanding
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone is so excited that their words tumble out faster than you can catch them? They’re not waiting for you to process—they’re sharing their joy, or frustration, or energy, and in those moments, the words themselves don’t always matter. You don’t need to understand every detail. What matters is the energy behind them—the raw emotion that connects you.
It’s like when a child tells you about their day at school in a flurry of mismatched stories and vivid details. You may not catch every word, but you feel their enthusiasm. They’re sharing a piece of their world with you, not asking for deep analysis or answers. In those moments, your presence is enough. Listening doesn’t mean you have to understand or solve anything. It just means being there.
The Right Words: A Quest for Perfection?
Many of us get caught up in the search for the “right” words. We want to say the perfect thing at the perfect time. But what if there is no such thing as a perfect conversation? What if, instead of searching for the right words, we trusted ourselves to speak from the heart, even if the words aren’t polished?
Imagine a painter with a blank canvas. If they obsess over getting each stroke exactly right before they even begin, they’ll never start. But if they allow themselves to move freely, trusting their instincts, they might end up creating something beautiful—even if it’s not what they envisioned at first.
Conversations are like this too. The more you try to control them, the less natural they become. The best moments often happen when you let go, when you trust that the right words will come when needed. And if they don’t? Maybe that’s okay, too.
Why Do We Share?
There’s another layer to all of this. If emotions are fleeting—if they come and go like passing clouds—why do we feel the need to share them with others? Why do we talk about our joy, our pain, our hopes, and our fears, knowing that these feelings will change over time?
Perhaps it’s not about finding permanence in our emotions but about creating connections. When we share our emotions with others, we’re offering them a glimpse of our inner world, even if just for a moment. It’s like offering a cup of water to a traveler on a long journey. The water won’t last forever, but in that moment, it refreshes them.
And sometimes, the act of sharing itself is enough. There doesn’t need to be a grand purpose or a perfect outcome. Conversations don’t always have to be “useful” in a traditional sense. They can simply be a way of saying, “I’m here. You’re here. Let’s connect.”
In conversations, in life, and in our inner world, the goal isn’t always to reach a final destination. Sometimes, it’s about moving with the current, letting go of the need for control, and trusting that the right words, the right moments, and the right connections will come in their own time.
And when they do, you’ll know. Not because you forced them, but because you let them flow.
